Many times I sit with my over-active imagination (not literally) and wonder what my biggest fear is. It’s not my own death, sometimes I look forward to it. Do not ask why. I don’t really fear any type of insect or something, maybe in the heat of the moment it will make me cringe but it’s not something major.
Tonight (while cleaning my mind/escaping from reality) I could actually categorise my fears. Kind of weird! The death of some immediate family member (sibling or parents) is on the list, not right o top though, close to the top ja. Then comes the close friends and so-called “adopted family” you know, the guy you know so long you’re practically brothers, ja that’s the one I’m talking about.
But at the start of this year, I made a decision. It took me 21 years to make it though. I will start looking out for myself first, selfish don’t you think? If you do, that’s your problem. Most of my time is always spent doing something for somebody, even if there is no benefit in me doing it. Modern day Ghandi ne? Anyway it has been this way most of what I can remember. I’d do something because someone wanted me to do it and in some magical way I’ll end up enjoying it.
But back to what I fear most… personally I feel that I’m living for other people or that somebody excluding myself is running/controlling my life. This now brings me to my biggest fear…
My biggest fear is that; when my life finally becomes mine, will I really know what to do with it, or even know, ill just fuck it up.
My advice: make sure that everything that is supposed to be yours, is yours. If not, make it yours.
No comments:
Post a Comment